Using Surplus Body Parts to your Advantage

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#006633" TEXT="#F7F7FF" bgproperties="fixed" background="079005a0ddvuru.png"> <div> <A HREF="http://www.vernco.com/index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.vernco.com/index.htm"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>     |     </B><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFCC66" FACE="Arial" ><B>Vern</B><B>co.com</B></FONT></div> <div> back to<B>  </B><A HREF="id427.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage and Jeeps"><U><B>Marriage and Jeeps</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://www.vernco.com/id173.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.vernco.com/id173.htm"><U><B>Site Map</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=150 BGCOLOR="#669966" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id429.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Making More Free Time"><U>Making More Free Time</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id430.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Buy Stuff Without Getting Caught"><U>Buy Stuff Without Getting Caught</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id431.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="WillysPoints"><U>WillysPoints</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id526.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Defending Your Territory"><U>Defending Your Territory</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id529.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="AfterTheFact Damage Control"><U>After-The-Fact Damage Control</U></A></div> <div> <B>Using Surplus Body Parts to your Advantage</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id528.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Things I Understand About Women"><U>Things I Understand About Women</U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=390 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> Every vintage Jeep owner soon ends up collecting sheetmetal out in the garage.  Over by the trash can is an extra fender.  Behind the kids' bikes you might find a hood that could be pounded back into shape.   Don't forget that wrinkled bumper against the wall.  Your ever-patient wife has been tripping over these items ever since the earth cooled.  The Jeep owner collects these oversize trinkets, in the hope they would someday be handy.</div> <bR> <div> Well, dream on.  Those surplus body parts aren't worth the <A HREF="id431.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="WillysPoints"><U>WillysPoints</U></A> it costs you to keep them.  There is only one source for body parts with any value, and we're not talking about your Jeep.  Your body is an untapped gold mine that can be cashed in for Jeep parts and tools.  The key is knowing how to negotiate with your wife.</div> <bR> <div> Immediately, you're petrified that you'll have to surrender a hand, lung or other useful part.  Now calm down, it is nothing that drastic.  You will have to look at the situation from your wife's perspective.  When your wife is frazzled, can you buy Jeep parts?  No, not at all.  It is in your best interest for your wife to be calm and relaxed.  Short of hiring a live-in masseuse or actually helping around the house, what can a poor guy do?</div> <bR> <div> What is the biggest source of aggravation in your wife's life, other than you, her husband?  What about those little people in your house, otherwise known as children?  Oh, sure, your wife dreamily wanted a few dozen when she was all starry-eyed and full of hope.  But face it, after a few years of kids AND a husband, she is near the breaking point.  Timing is of the utmost importance as you start the negotiations.  Try humming the Barney theme song, then casually ask if she's been thinking about having another baby.  But first, you may want to make sure there are no sharp, easy-to-throw objects within her reach.</div> <bR> <div> It is time for you and your beloved to have a heart to heart talk about birth control choices.  For years, I used my personality for birth control, but that is not always practical.  Your wife will look at you, with that expression we all know, and tell you it is time for your vasectomy.  She'll offer to perform the operation herself if you don't agree quickly enough.</div> <bR> <div> Any important decision such as this must be approached carefully.  It is critical that the situation be looked at all from all perspectives.  Both partners must share their feelings, hopes and dreams in such circumstances.  Honest, caring and open lines of communications are essential.  Then after an appropriate amount of discussion, you must do exactly what your wife tells you.  You can't try to save time and proceed directly to the part where you do what you are told.  It is important to go through all the motions that make it look like the outcome could have gone either way.</div> <bR> <div> Before you agree to the vasectomy, you must bargain like you've never bargained before.  Please note that "agree" is a figure of speech when talking about a husband's part of the deal, not meant to imply that you had a choice.  You cannot control whether you go under the knife.  You're doing well if you have any say in the timing.  But you can certainly come out ahead in the bargain, considering it was going to happen anyway.  Now is the time to mention that derelict FC truck your friend has for sale.  Or do you need a PTO winch?  How about a MIG welder?  Go for all of them.  The sky is the limit for you.  You have an incredible amount of bargaining power if you play your cards correctly.  Your wife knows what she wants, and will gladly agree to anything to get it.  Myself?  I got a welding set out of the deal.  I was a novice at the time, and could have held out for more had I only known. </div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>